I Do Not Have Nerves of Steel


Frankly, the last 6 months of my life have been pretty eventful. In fact too eventful for my tastes but that’s the way it goes sometimes. Some eventful good, some eventful bad, but overall I’m pretty glad it’s behind me.  But today I feel like I’m about to take on the most scary event yet.

Losing my job of 17 years in September? A drag, yes.

But scary, no.

Singlehandedly closing down a 65-year old non-profit (in compliance with IRS regulations) in October? A pain in the ass, yes.

But scary, no.

Childbirth in November?  Painful, yes.

But scary, no.

Driving a cargo van loaded with 11 service dogs, valued at well over half a million dollars, up I 95 to New York in March? Nerve wracking, yes.

But scary, no.

Selling my work at a homeschool conference this weekend?

Now that’s some scary stuff.

I’d been slowly working on getting a project together to put up for sale on my website, slowly, slowly, very slowly, too slowly, when I remembered I could possibly exhibit at the state homeschooling conference in Richmond this March. Truthfully I dragged my feet so long that by the time I worked up the nerve to apply for a vendor table, all the spots were full.

I was both relieved (whew that was a close call I almost actually had to do the thing) and disappointed (why am I so dumb why did I wait so long that was my one big chance I blew it this is never going to work anyway).

I was scared. (I still am)

I was even more scared when a few days later I got an email saying they found space for me to exhibit after all.

Shit just got real.

I dragged my feet for a few days, as long as I could in good conscience, until I had to get back to them with yes or no.

I said yes. I figured if fate gave me a second chance at this, who was I to say no?

Why is this so scary?  I don’t really know, to be honest. I guess it feels so exposed but then again that’s silly, if you want to have a business and you want to sell things that help people then why not just put yourself out there and do it?

Because it’s scary. (at least to me it is)

But  I committed to the conference and there was no way I was going to back out, so I put myself in high gear the past month and got things together. I made the whole fabric map project tutorial and with Doug’s help turned it into a beautiful set of directions and map templates. I made school supply pouches and fabric covered notebooks. I have business cards and stickers and CDs and beautifully packaged project kits.

I sorta look like I know what I’m doing, I think.

So if you see me at the homeschooling conference this weekend, stop by and say hi, I’ll be the one at the fuller by design vendor table.

The one pretending not to be so scared.

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10 Responses

  1. Kristin says:

    I LOVE that USA map wall hanging.

  2. Anna Haller says:

    Wow, Susan!! You are one busy woman. You add so much greatness and beauty to this world and you never come across as anything but sincere and hard working. I am sure your business will be a huge success at te homeschool conference this weekend. Good luck!! And congrats on the pregnancy and all your travel with the dogs this past weekend. XO

  3. chris says:

    Best of luck, Susan… looks great!!!
    Sit back and enjoy now!.

  4. chris says:

    BTW, are you going to sell the kits in your store?

    • fuller says:

      Hi Chris!

      Yes, I will have them in my shop to sell, both as full kits (with the fabrics included) as well as digital files (so you supply all your own materials). Getting the shop up and running is next on my list!

  5. Jessie Aller says:

    Go you! I know how hard it is to make that final push and get something done! I checked out your vendor description on the conference website and it looks totally legit 🙂 Your outgoing and bubbly personality will be perfect for this type of work. Congrats on getting yourself to this point!

  6. oooh! I want this pattern!

  7. Linda F. says:

    I can’t wait to hear how it went! Good luck.

  8. Carolina says:

    Please please please offer these kits in your store! I was at the conference this past weekend and swooned over how gorgeous the map was and how much my desperate-to-learn-to-sew kids would LOVE that project, made a mental note to come back and buy one, then completely forgot in the whirlwind of busyness.

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